By law the US is required to have a Vice President. Do we really want it to be this one?
Many serious countries with Presidential systems -- like Finland, Germany, France, Ireland, and South Korea -- have long since dispensed with the role of Vice President completely.
In the wake of the uproar -- indeed, shock and awe -- provoked by John McCain's surprising selection of 44-year old Gov. Sara Palin of Wasilla, Alaska, on top of all the hoopla over Barack Obama's dissing of Hillary Clinton and our collective nightmare with "Darth" Cheney, some pundits have suggested that it may be time for the US to follow the Finnish model and have no US Vice President at all.
With each day's new revelations about Gov. Palin's complex personal life and rather extreme views, some pundits have also suggested that she may quickly go the way of former Missouri Senator Thomas Eagleton, who lasted just two weeks as George McGovern's VP pick in 1972 -- or perhaps worse yet for the Republicans, a reprise of the legendary Indiana lightweight, Dan Quayle.
They are wrong.
Ms. Palin's nomination is a perfect demonstration of the incredible entertainment value that only the VP role can provide.
At a time when our economy is in serious trouble, state and federal budget deficits are out of control, energy costs are unaffordable, the US Constitution is under attack, tax evasion is at a record level, we're still tied down in two major wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, tensions are mounting with Russia, social inequality is soaring, environmental calamities abound, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are about to fail, our education system is broken, the drug wars continue unabated, and millions of Americans lack jobs, decent housing and health care, filling the VP slot with this more-or-less unknown quantity adds a nice soupçon of uncertainty to the entire situation.
It permits the whole nation to "double down" at once, experiencing a kind of risk-taking that none of us would ever be able to achieve on our own.
This is precisely the kind of entertainment that government, at its best, is supposed to offer.
Indeed, Sara's selection is bound to make our peculiar "imperial electocracy" the envy of the world -- once again!
I. FINALLY A BABE!
Ms. Palin may not yet be a household name, but upon closer examination, her qualifications for the Vice Presidency -- just one bad biopsy away from the world's most powerful office -- are overwhelming.
First and foremost, just take a look -- this woman is a looker, a true MILF!
Carla Bruni, where is thy sting? Angela Merkel, bite your knuckles!
To paraphrase Joe Biden, Ms. Palin is an "articulate, bright, clean, good-looking" white woman.
And young! Why she was only 4 years old when 72-year old John McCain was bombing peasants from 30,000 feet, and 9 years old when he was released from the POW camp in 1973.
Indeed, Sara was first runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska beauty pageant, after being voted Wasilla Alaska's "Miss Congeniality."
True, back then, Wasilla only had about 5000 residents. But so long as you were not a moose or an environmentalist, Wasillans were the most congenial people on the planet. And Ms. Sara was the most "congenial" of them all.
Anyone who has ever attended public high school knows what that means - religion or no.
We think we can all trust "Bomber" McCain's judgment on this one. John may have only met his VP choice two or three times, but he is an expert on beauty queens.
His first wife Carol was a model and his second wife Cindy was Junior Rodeo Queen of Arizona in 1968.
(Just in -- McCain has also reportedly expressed interest in naming Sherri McNealley, the real winner of the 1984 Miss Alaska contest, as his future Secretary of State, but so far she's still MIA.
He's also expressed interest in appointing Wasilla's current mayor, Dianne M. Keller, to be his Attorney General, once she completes her law degree.)
In any case, unfortunately, this VP choice will probably not swing Hillary's disaffected female supporters to the McCain camp. Most of them are die-hard feminists who have serious issues with Palin's political views -- for example, her opposition to abortion even in the case of rape or incest, and her unsympathetic description of Hillary Clinton as a "whiner." (Where on earth would she get such an idea?)
From a strictly male hormonal perspective, however, this may be the best VP selection in history -- precisely the kind of candidate we need to arouse our interest and get us up off the couch. After years of enduring so many talented but extraordinarily plain women in national politics (viz Senators Clinton, Hutchinson, Mikulski, Boxer, and Feinstein, for example), - finally the US Senate will be presided over by someone who still leaves something to the imagination.
Sara Palin is a doer, not a talker. Not only is she the Governor of Alaska, but she is a "hockey mom" with five children by birth (but no adopted ones, unlike the 72-year old McCain). These include an unmarried pregnant 17-year old, a son on the way to Iraq, and a 5-month old infant with Downs Syndrome. She hunts and fishes. She runs 5-10 miles a day. She's under investigation by Alaska's State Ethics Commission for "using her public office to settle a private score." (Who could resist doing that?)
When Sara was pregnant with her fifth child, her water broke while she was attending a Republican Governors' conference in Dallas, and she flew all the way back to a Wasilla Alaska hospital to have the child delivered at home.
That's precisely the kind of crazy, life-threatening behavior that we need much more of in the highest echelons of the US Government! Shock-Treatment Tom (Eagleton), we hardly knew ye!!!
Adding the burden of the US Vice Presidency to this full plate will no doubt give us a shining example of just how to precisely strike that delicate balance between family life, work life, and blind ambition -- as well as the many benefits of the "Just Say No" approach to birth control!
(c) Submerging Markets, 2008